Helping young people cope in uncertain times
By Kate McCarthy
The COVID-19 pandemic turned our lives upside down. As adults we’ve had too many questions and too few answers, and many of us felt overwhelmed in the face of so much uncertainty. Now imagine what it’s like to be a child or teenager in this environment. Young people don’t have the cognitive development, life experience, and coping skills to deal with all the uncertainties we face. So even though we may be struggling, it’s up to us as the adults to help them manage these feelings. It’s not unusual for young people to be anxious about the future, especially as they near the end of school, or transition from one school to another. They might be stressed about the uncertainty surrounding exams, or what might happen about their university place. The coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic has created more uncertainty than usual. As a parent, it’s hard not to have answers and reassurances. If your child or teen is anxious it can help give them the sense of some control. Help them to develop a plan A and a Plan B Plan A – The ideal plan they would have followed in normal times. Plan B – An alternative if plan A isn’t viable right now. Plan A may have involved taking a year out to travel overseas. Plan B may be to complete some online training then volunteer for a charity, with the intention of switching to Plan A several months down the line. The idea of Plan B is NOT to give up on Plan A, but rather to postpone it, while still moving forward in other areas. Show your child how to be okay with uncertainty Tolerating uncertainty is a skill that can be learned by practising how to respond in the best way we can to what’s happening in the present. Try doing small things together differently, such as preparing a meal without a recipe using only what’s in the cupboard or picking a random film to watch or podcast to listen to without knowing anything about it. Validate your child’s feelings and concerns. Accept how they feel and resist the urge to “fix” them by minimizing their worries or making promises that are not within your control to keep. Instead encourage them to be kind to themselves and realistic in their thinking. Listen to them and remind them that this is a very unusual situation; it would be weirder if they weren’t anxious! Talk about the things they value It’s usually possible to find something, even a small thing that they value or appreciate. Help them to refocus on the good things in their life. Share some of the things you are grateful for. It’s difficult for most of us to remain calm and focused at the moment, and we all have to accept that we can’t predict the future. It helps our kids to see us focus on the things we can control. We can model strategies and show them that whatever happens, we can cope with it together.